chapter04 · 110-ep110

Episode 107: Alliance

Stronger monsters taste better.

Ever since that information had come to light, the dungeon conquest grew even more outrageous than before.

"GYGYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?"

Deep-layer monsters appearing along the way were dispatched in a snap, and deep-layer bosses like the ice-and-snow dragon and the giant boar monster wreathed in flame were likewise swiftly slain by the pair.

Though a deep layer in a dungeon that didn't reach the abyssal layers should have produced numerous powerful monsters, they carved through it without the slightest difficulty—and then—

"! This boar-sama yields a splendid oil! The meat is fine too, but would it not be perfect for cooking other meats!?"

"A dragon truly is the best, ja! The depth of its umami power is different from the start, but turn it into hamburger steak and it grows tastier still, ja—!"

—naturally, they turned the bosses into hamburger steak and held a tasting comparison.

And furthermore—

"That said, while it is wonderful to gather so much meat, it is a shame we cannot eat it all. We cannot have other monster-samas eating it and becoming enhanced variants, so I suppose we have no choice but to mince it with ordinary weapons and reduce it to ash."

"In that case, do that! Take it home! Especially—look, you have an item box, do you not? There, there. The ones done cooking, the mince, whatever you like—pack in as much as you can carry! The magic effects vanish, mind you, but apart from that it should taste just as good aboveground! A souvenir, ja!"

"Eh, may I really keep all that for myself!?"

"Of course, ja! Thanks to you I have eaten such delicious things! Come now, do not hold back—stuff your item box as full as it will go! What, even if a minor carrying out materials is out, mince and hamburger steak are processed goods the same as equipment, so it should be fine, ja!"

"Th-that is true...!? N-no, but we have no confirmation... Ah, Mi-Mitsurugi-sensei! You were commenting earlier, were you not!? Please tell me whether it is acceptable to take home hamburger steak and mince—!"

【@Attorney Mitsurugi: Eh!? Ah, er... well, as I said before, processed materials being carry-out OK even for minors makes her a loophole ojou-sama, but... um, is raw meat a material? Is it treated as a drop item, desu no...? W-well, if we categorize it as something harvested in the dungeon, material treatment can provisionally apply, and since she's using her crafting skill it counts as processed... so it works...? No wait, is this material processing or food processing...】

【@Attorney Mitsurugi: But if processed foods can't be taken out, then just as hiding materials inside your body to carry them out would be out, we'd also have to rule stomach contents and excrement after eating as out... so presumably, as long as it's private use, it should be fine under the same loophole treatment as before...? E-er, for now, please let me confer with the Dungeon Bureau, desu wa!】

"Eh!? Y-you would go that far for me!? I am so sorry for asking so casually...!"

【Mitsurugi-tan getting hit with a sudden unreasonable request for the first time in ages, lol】

【Once again Attorney Mitsurugi carelessly commented and now can't escape, LMAO prairie】

【Karin ojou-sama even pinned the comment so there's seriously no escape, lmaooo】

【Attorney Mitsurugi being more evasive than ever before, LMAO】

【Well, no single lawyer could issue a ruling on a case this exceptional in the moment, lmaooo】

【The poop-is-out hypothesis stinks】

【I laughed at the poop-is-out hypothesis, but being able to raise that possibility in a situation this unhinged is genuinely impressive, desu wa, Attorney Mitsurugi!】

【Laws are made imagining guys working every angle in a real world with more freedom than any open-world game... that's less lawyer talk than legislative talk though】

【An abnormal situation that even laws carefully built to anticipate every scenario can't handle】

【W-well, it's true that legislation hasn't kept up with newly discovered items since dungeon society began—a blast-stone-level classic and all...】

【Even so, this is just TOO irregular!?】

【Honestly they should just write a law specifically for these two】

【It's like when one athlete is so dominant the sport's rules get changed】

【Well, for this matter, it goes without the ojou-sama even needing to ask Mitsurugi-tan—coordination with the administration will be mandatory...】

—And so Attorney Mitsurugi, unable to escape after being baited into commenting by the meat, was dragged out, and the Dungeon Bureau, likewise watching the stream, provisionally permitted the removal of processed meat under the pretext of "investigating, for the moment, whether the meat truly has only edible effects," and the two, blinded by appetite, swept the administration into their affairs as if it were the most natural thing in the world while their deep-layer conquest advanced at explosive speed.

And then—

"Fuwah, I am stuffed, desu wa~"

"I too am utterly satisfied by a meal more delicious than any I have had, ja~"

The innermost depths of Kasai Dungeon.

The wide room that lay beyond the fall of the final boss, the Storm Dragon.

In that room, where a gigantic sphere called the dungeon core floated, the two who had devoured every boss monster down to the last happily rubbed their full bellies.

【No wait, this conquest speed is past scary and into terrifying, desu wa!?】

【It's not high-difficulty, sure, but this pace through a deep layer...】

【They were so blinded by meat there was basically zero playfulness in the conquest and it was STILL insane, LMAO】

【How was making the hamburger steak more labor-intensive than the actual conquest, desu no!?】

【Q. What was the hardest part of the deep-layer conquest? A. Making hamburger steak ←Is she insane??】

【I couldn't take it anymore, ran to the neighborhood konbini for hamburger steak and it was SOLD OUT, LMAO dying】

【Photos of sold-out pouch hamburger steaks at konbinis are being posted all over the country, genuinely lol】

【Nyaaaaah! I watched this stream and my mouth is completely set on hamburger steak but NOWHERE HAS ANY, desu waaaah!】

【The foresight of the dude who sprinted out for hamburger steak and booze at the start is shining】

【Ground meat is starting to vanish from supermarkets too, maybe because of dinnertime—everyone hurry, desu wa!】

【And hey, this is my first time seeing a dungeon core in a dungeon with a deep layer, desu wa!?】

【It's so big it's not even comparable to the ones in dungeons that end at the lower layers, LMAO】

【The mystery of how breaking it only stops monster spawns temporarily and it revives pretty quickly, desu wa】

【And what's even more mysterious is the rare dungeon that vanishes with no relation to the dungeon core at all】

【That said, even at this conquest speed they were still properly explaining deep-layer monster abilities—is that not insane?】

【If two people who could probably solo-conquer the abyss are together it's the obvious result... like I could accept that explanation, desu wa, NOT at this speed!?】

The viewers raised voices of awe at the insane conquest speed, but the two, heedless of such reactions, smiled happily before the dungeon core that signified the dungeon's complete conquest.

Sharie in particular looked especially satisfied, wearing a smile that seemed to fill not only her stomach but her heart as well.

Because conquering the dungeon with Karin had been so, so very fun.

"Sharie-sama! Thank you so very much for today, desu wa!"

At her, Karin called out with a beaming smile.

"Today's conquest was ever so fun, desu no! And to think I was treated to so much delicious meat as well... It was supposed to be about coordination and confirmation before challenging the pit, yet partway through I forgot all about that and simply enjoyed myself! Once more, thank you so very much, desu wa!"

"That is my line, ja."

Truly.

No—if anything, Sharie thought that in this case, it was she who had barged in so abruptly and should be the one bowing her head in thanks.

(To think there truly was someone I could play with all-out like this. Someone who rampaged as much as—not less than—me, someone I could conquer dungeons shoulder to shoulder with, someone who could help me raise my unique skill while I raised hers. And not as an enemy, but someone who regards me this favorably.)

She had held expectations ever since learning of Karin Yamada's existence, but the results soared effortlessly past them, and Sharie was satisfied to her core.

...Then, having fallen into a state of utter contentment, she suddenly thought of something.

Ah, that's right.

Playing with Karin had truly been fun.

Then there was something she had to say.

After all, she had done all manner of outrageous things—shaving thirteen years off her age foremost among them—all to seek exactly this.

"Now then, much as it pains me to part, we have fully conquered it, and by the clock we should soon be heading back, desu wa. Ah, and before that, let me confirm once more whether we may truly take the meat—"

"N-Now, Karin Yamada."

To Karin as she began readying to leave, Sharie spoke up, fidgeting slightly.

"This dungeon conquest was meant to be about confirming what each of us can do before challenging the pit... but, well, leave the pit talk aside for the moment, yes? I truly, truly enjoyed today's conquest, ja. And so, er..."

Thinking it was somehow embarrassingly formal to bring it up all over again—

"Let us play again. If you are willing, would you be my friend?"

—the Dungeon Queen spoke those words.

Whereupon—

"? Of course, desu wa! Indeed, we are already friends, desu no!"

"!"

"Certainly, when I calmed down and thought about it, inviting you to the pit so suddenly was not Elegant at all, so let us save that for another day... but beyond that, I hope we can do all sorts of things together! I am still inexperienced, so in deference to Setsuna-sama my solo conquests remain my base, but perhaps the meat—no, when the moment allows, I shall try inviting Honoka-sama and the others too!"

—Karin replied with an innocent smile, a trace of appetite leaking through, and,

"So please, let me say it from my side as well: I look forward to our friendship, desu wa!"

"...I see. I see!"

At Karin's answer, Sharie too broke into a radiant smile.

"Then from now on, I am in your care, ja! You are busy with streams and such, so it would be lovely to play again whenever the timing suits you!"

"Indeed, desu wa! Ehehe, it seems my list of future joys has grown, desu wa."

"Mine as well, ja! If anything troubles you, I shall come to your aid at once, so do not hesitate to ask! We are friends, after all!"

"My, how wonderful, desu wa! Please tell me as well should anything happen, Sharie-sama! Now, let us head home for today, desu no!"

"Mm!"

And so the two also exchanged contact info. In the absurd situation of over twenty million concurrent viewers, they formally became friends.

—But while a heartwarming atmosphere filled the space around the beaming Karin and Sharie, on the other hand—

【【Breaking News】Karin ojou-sama and the monster girl suspected of being the Dungeon Queen formally become friends】

【【Flash Report】Karin ojou-sama and Sharie-sama declare best-friends-forever as concurrent viewers top twenty million】

【M-my, ^~】

【H-how lovely, ^~】

【Um, this... could this not effectively amount to the signing of a Japan-Africa alliance...?】

【No, this is straight-up Big Mom and Kaidou forming an alliance!?】

【"How do we beat them" is too real...】

【Someone bring the Worst Generation!】

【The thing is, Karin ojou-sama herself is clearly the head of the Worst Generation...】

【It's over... (in English)】

【It's over... (in Chinese)】

【It's over... (in Russian)】

【Lol at the torrent of multinational despair】

【The alliance is so insane that the hesitant delivery of "My, ^~" has me LMAOing】

【W-well, to the neighboring nations: please stay quiet and refrain from provoking Karin ojou-sama and her friend...】

【I wasn't sure how this would turn out, but all's well that ends well with Japan becoming an ironclad fortress, desu wa...?】

【I-I knew it! Leave it to Karin ojou-sama and somehow things work out, desu wa! (heart pounding)】

¥50,000　@Inu to Wa Kaseyo 2

This must not happen, ojou-sama, this must not! Lulling you into complacency like this, she may poison the meat next! You must not eat that meat, and you absolutely must not become friends!

【The wedge-driving red-superchat alt account is back, LMAO】

【(If the resistance-cap rumors are true) poison wouldn't even work on the ojou-sama, na】

【It's over, give up. I've given up.】

【The addition of such insane firepower has the whole world—and the whole country too—in an uproar, genuinely lol】

【Government official "It is not lol"】

And so, as the two returned home side by side, the uproar over the alliance forged between those two beyond-the-standard beings continued.

――――――――――――――――――――――――――

Sharie-sama: "Tenman Daijizai Tenjin!"

Karin ojou-sama with metal bat equipped: "Thunder Bagua!"

New Dungeon Bureau Director-General: "Th-that was a close one...!? No wait, is that actually safe!?"

Wondering how far the parody references will carry, the aftermath of the uproar continues a bit next episode, desu wa (the doggy duo of Kagerou-sama and Inukai-sama is quietly still left unattended, after all)

※Incidentally, since it keeps getting mentioned in comments and was only faintly hinted in the story, I'll just say it: Side Effect bro's identity is Detective Yoichi Fukusa, desu wa! The detection-specialized Anti-Dungeon Division detective who despaired at being unable to read Karin ojou-sama's level (his name comes from "side effect" meaning adverse side effect, desu no)

He's certainly capable enough to sense things through a screen, but considering the stream times, there are probably moments where he's slacking off work to comment, desu wa ne!

※Addendum: Since many comments said "No way poison would work on a capped ojou-sama!" I've added a little of that in-story too, desu wa!