chapter03 · 069-ep69
Episode 66: Karin Ojou-sama's Brute-Force Quiz
DODODODODODOOOOOOO!
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The thing that attacked as Karin stepped into the deep layers was a river in flood. A torrent of water filled most of the enormous passage. It had the faint outline of a dragon and unmistakably possessed a will of its own, charging toward Karin at tremendous speed to crush or drown her.
Faced with the overwhelming, impossible sight, chat chorused for her to run. But—
"Then let's start with a greeting—HYAAAAAAAH! DESU WAAAAAA!"
DOPAAAAAAN!
"GROOOOOOOOOOO!?"
Now that she didn't have to worry about spilling tea, Karin's iron fist struck. The impact drove back the onrushing flood, and the water dragon screamed.
【WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?】
【She pushed it back with a PUNCH!?】
【I thought she'd dodge it, but she brute-forced it from the start lmao】
【Come to think of it, this ojou-sama called the enhanced wyrm 'great footage.' Of course she wouldn't run...】
【What the hell was that punch pressure!?】
【You mean she was still going EASY on us when she stopped those punches just short of our faces...!?】
【The guy asking to be put in his place back then is here lmao】
【How did she push back a literal flood with a fist!?】
【Well, 'ojou-samas' are practically a category of natural disaster themselves...】
【Between a flooding river and an 'ojou-sama,' the ojou-sama is the bigger threat】
【What do you people think an 'ojou-sama' IS!?】
【A living disaster】
【A kind monster】
【A destroyer wearing a restraint device called a dress】
【This is meme contamination of the entire concept of 'ojou-sama'】
Karin's impossible punch let some of the tension drain from chat. But like the wyrm she'd once encountered, a deep-layer monster was not so easily handled.
The water she'd blasted away scattered into fine spray. It dispersed as though evaporating—and became a writhing mist.
"HYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
A giant woman's face appeared within the fog, which made an eerie sound like howling wind.
【What!? That's creepy as hell!?】
【It wasn't a water dragon!?】
【What IS this thing!?】
【A water-vapor monster!? It fills almost the whole passage—could it be even bigger than the wyrm or Storm Dragon!?】
【I can't deal with this, it's too scary...】
【Disgusting, desu wa!?】
【Wait, is that one of those mist-type monsters!?】
【They're REAL!? I thought they were urban legends!?】
"I see. Your spectacular torrent was only a greeting too, then."
Many recoiled in disgust from the mist monster's true form. Karin answered without flinching, letting her fist fly again.
BOBOBOBOBOH!
"HYOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!?"
Blows flashed out in a rapid succession of godlike speed, their pressure blowing away great swathes of mist. But—
"HYOOOOOOOOOO!"
It hadn't worked. The dispersed body rapidly re-formed and approached Karin at considerable speed. JUUUUUUH! Anything the mist touched appeared to dissolve; the dungeon wall smoked violently wherever it came into contact.
【Seriously, what IS this thing!?】
【It's not regenerating—her punches aren't even hurting it!?】
【This is beyond an ordinary amorphous monster!?】
【Sure, punching fog shouldn't work, but why does the fog also MELT things!?】
【What IS the deep layers!? I'm terrified even through a screen!?】
【Ojou-sama, now isn't the time to insist on fists!?】
"Hmm. I did hope to use my fists as much as possible... but today's first priority is conquering the deep layers and clearing up the allegations. Holding back too much would hardly be Elegant."
Karin immediately changed tack. While keeping the mist at bay with the pressure of her punches, she pulled a heavy magical weapon from her item box: a large, ungainly Gatling gun. It was the rapid-fire magic-projectile weapon her viewers called an 'Elegatling gun.'
"Mana charged. Target: the entire passage ahead. Let's try—FIRE, DESU WAAAA!"
DOGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA!
The outrageous weapon, charged with Karin's vast reserves of mana, poured a dense barrage into the mist.
【THE ELEGATLING GUN IS HEEEEERE!】
【We've won. I'm going to take a bath】
【The heroic weapon from the Shibuya showdown that erased lower-layer bosses in an instant!】
【The thing that saved Shibuyaaaaa!】
【Whoa... It isn't all wet and slimy this time, so it just looks unambiguously cool!】
【The firepower is as absurd as ever lol】
【Did she get it!?】
As the overwhelming barrage filled the passage, chat celebrated as if victory were certain. But—
"HYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The peculiar mist-bodied monster remained. Just as when Karin had scattered it with punches, the magic projectiles blew away much of its body, and yet it rushed her as if nothing had happened.
【WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?】
【Physical punches I can understand, but even magic projectiles don't work!? What IS it!?】
【You're kidding!?】
【Impossible...!】
【What!? This is unbeatable!?】
【I knew the deep layers were bad, but I didn't think they'd be THIS bad...】
【I can't see a core like other amorphous monsters have... How DO you kill it?】
【Is it true that each species of mist monster has a specific weakness you have to exploit to hurt it!?】
【This is seriously unfair!?】
【So it really IS game over if you encounter a deep-layer magic creature that's a bad match when you aren't prepared...】
【That's why she should've started with a conquered dungeon where information is easier to get!?】
【Shouldn't she retreat for now!?】
"Hmm. It seems to be a gimmick monster you can't defeat without figuring out the trick. Right! I know what to do in a situation like this!"
With even magic projectiles failing against it, Karin rummaged in her item box. Viewers watched expectantly for a new weapon.
"Gulp gulp, desu wa!"
She brought out the tea she'd put away earlier. Time didn't pass in her item box, so it was still piping hot and steaming. She took a delicious sip.
【What?】
【????????????????????】
【What is she doing in front of a deep-layer monster!?】
【Karin ojou-sama, what are you doing!?】
"Listen well, everyone." With an Elegant air, Karin casually waved her hand to blow the mist away as she spoke to the stunned chat. "The most dangerous thing in a dungeon is panic. When you meet a monster you don't understand, it's best to take a break and calm down first, lest your vision narrow. Setsuna-sama said so herself."
【Are you stupid!?】
【The lower layers were one thing, but now she's drinking tea in the DEEP layers!?】
【What you said is right, but actually stopping for TEA is completely insane!?】
【YOU'RE the reason WE'RE panicking right now!?】
【She's in a state of confusion, right!? Should we call for help!?】
【Karin ojou-sama is basically in a permanent state of confusion...】
【What happened to her best friend telling her not to prioritize Elegance too much in the deep layers...?】
【Sipping tea in front of a deep-layer monster you have no idea how to kill? She must be smoking some other kind of herb too!?】
【W-well, she's fanning the mist away so it doesn't interrupt tea time. She's safe for now, I guess】
【Fanning (with hurricane-force winds)】
【A deep-layer monster is not the steam from your tea!?】
Chat scrambled to make sense of Karin's latest bizarre behavior. And then it happened. The gale she'd stirred up with her hand swirled back around, drifting a small part of the mist toward her steaming teacup.
"HIIH!?"
The mist, which had been blown away before, let out a tiny scream—but this time it was unmistakably a cry of genuine pain.
"Oh."
Karin did not miss it.
"I see. Heat—or perhaps fire—seems to be its weakness. All thanks to tea time. Setsuna-sama's teachings really are magnificent, desu wa!"
【!?】
【What...?】
【No way!?】
【Did she SERIOUSLY find its weakness by stopping for tea!?】
【Really!?】
【How does that even happen!?】
【But the mist definitely screamed! And the part that came near the cup looked like it vanished a little! Fire or heat really is its weakness!?】
【(Is her tea ridiculously hot, though...?)】
【Ah, fire or heat! That would work even on a mist monster!】
【We can win now!?】
【Wait, apart from her tea, does the ojou-sama have a heat source? A weapon that spits fire or something?】
"That is the problem." Karin pressed a hand to her cheek thoughtfully. "I actually don't have any flamethrower-like weapons on hand."
At least none with the firepower she could show on-stream right now.
【Seriously...?】
【Damn, she miraculously found a way forward and she can't use it!】
【I guess things can't keep working out perfectly...】
【Well, normally her sword, pile bunkers and magic projectiles would handle almost anything. She only had days to prepare after announcing this conquest...】
【That's why advance intelligence and preparation matter!?】
【She's found its weakness, at least! Retreat and come back prepared!?】
(Hmm... Normally that WOULD be best. But I didn't see any fire-attribute monsters on the way here. I'd probably have to go to another dungeon to craft a new weapon...)
If she did that, she would run out of time, and today's deep-layer expedition would fail. She wanted a way to produce sufficient heat here and now. As she racked her brain—
"Ah, of course, desu wa!"
She suddenly remembered some scientific fact she'd read somewhere before.
(I don't know if it'll work, but it's worth a try!)
With chat still urging her to retreat, Karin channeled mana into her fist. She condensed many skills into it: increased speed, striking power, hardness, recoil negation. This time, though, she poured most of her mana into speed rather than destructive force, and began spinning her whole body at high speed.
Then—HYUPAN!
Drawing on the spring of her entire body, her arm whipped out. The punch grazed the mist with an enormous shockwave—and JUWAAAAAAAAH!
"HIGIIIIIIIIIIH!?"
A sound like water evaporating all at once accompanied the mist's first truly agonized scream. A large part of its body vanished around the area Karin had struck.
"Yes! It works, desu wa!"
Karin pumped her fist. As though she had the knack now, she kicked off the ground and drove more punches toward the retreating mist. JUWAAAAAAAAAAH!
"HIGIIIIIIIIIIH!?"
As she spun like a dancer at a ball, her invisible fists only had to graze the mist to burn away more and more of its body. The portions that vanished did not return. Its cries echoed through the deep layers.
【!?】
【Wait! What!?】
【Huh!? Her fists suddenly work!?】
【I thought she was just scattering it again, but the mist's getting visibly smaller!?】
【What? How!? Even a powerful punch isn't supposed to work on mist monsters!?】
【Does she have some kind of weapon hidden in her fist!?】
【Maybe she's forcing damage through with even more mana than the Elegatling gun...?】
【No, she's barehanded!?】
【Her punches are so fast they're making shockwaves. Is that why!?】
【Wait, doesn't her fist look like it's on FIRE when it hits the mist!?】
【????????????????】
【What is going on!?】
【Ojou-sama, what are you doing!? Explain!?】
"Heh heh. It's simple, desu wa!" Karin said a little smugly. "The answer is frictional heat! By spinning continuously and throwing punches focused on speed, I generate heat between my fist and the air and strike its mist body with it! Now I can defeat it barehanded, even without a flame!"
【Eh】
【What?】
【Could you say that one more time????????】
【Hold on! Seriously, hold on! Time out!】
【I'd find it easier to believe she had a hidden weapon!?】
【That's gotta be a lie! She's secretly using a weapon, right!?】
【This ojou-sama can't pull off a deception like that... (for the umpteenth time)】
【Look at that smug face when she pauses her spin! She's serious!?】
【So she's doing what happens when a meteor or rocket enters the atmosphere, but with her BARE FIST...!?】
【PFFFFFT lmao】
【This ojou-sama cannot be real!?】
【There are limits to brute force!?】
【Brute force beyond brute force beyond brute force】
【I can't believe it... but her fist does look like it's burning and the mist keeps shrinking...】
【Please stop obeying the laws of physics in ways that look like you're BREAKING them!?】
【How does she generate that much heat on her hands and keep them so smooth and pretty!?】
【Come on... you think an ojou-sama who can DO that would get hurt by some frictional heat...?】
【I never saw THIS brute-force solution coming!?】
Comments raced faster than they had at any point today. Karin paused her spinning to glance over them and smiled smugly.
"Heh HEH, desu wa! You all like to call me a fool, but judging from your comments, none of you predicted my Elegant solution. It seems that, for once, my intellect has surpassed yours!"
【G-gnnnnn!?】
【I DON'T ACCEPT THIS!?】
【The muscle-brained ojou-sama just outsmarted us!?】
【It's shoooo unfaaaaair, deshu waaaa!】
【I refuse... I refuse to accept this dirty muscle puzzle, desu wa!】
【Stop giving us ridiculous brute-force quizzes that are harder than actual riddles!?】
【Guh...! You're a sage, all right. A sage of the forest, like a gorilla!】
【But she DID actually use her head this time, so I can't say anything!】
@Mitsuki: Incredible, Karin ojou-sama! IQ 3000!!!!
【Mitsuki-sama is at IQ 3 as usual...】
As this went on, Karin kept firing off her burning punches. The mist that had filled the passage was burned away in no time.
"H-higiiiiiiih!?"
With a faint death cry, it disappeared completely.
【WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!?】
【SHE ACTUALLY DID IT!?】
【She beat a mist monster barehanded!?】
【Barehanded (on fire)】
【No way... (speechless)】
【What's even happening... We were desperately begging her to change out of her dress like idiots...】
【It feels pointless to worry about this ojou-sama!?】
【What IS she, seriously!? A person... maybe?】
【If she can beat mist monsters barehanded, she doesn't even need her <Divine Artisan> weapons lol】
【A minor might REALLY clear the deep layers in a dress!?】
【Without advance intel, that mist monster would have been impossible for a normal explorer!】
【Karin ojou-sama may be an inexplicable being, but the monster sure demonstrated why information matters in the deep layers...】
【No wonder deep-layer intelligence sells for tens of millions, even hundreds of millions of yen!?】
【I almost forgot: how much work did Black Tiger have to put into figuring out how to kill that mist monster?】
【If that one fight just wiped out hundreds of millions in Black Tiger's information assets, I'll never stop laughing lmao】
"Right! I've come up with a nice new move, so let's keep moving at this pace, desu wa!"
Urged on by her jubilant viewers, Karin marched deeper into the dungeon, having overcome her first deep-layer monster through utterly unreasonable means.
――――――――――――――――――――――――――
Incidentally, at those speeds the heat comes from compressing air, not friction. Karin ojou-sama is simply wrong about the frictional heat, and the viewers got carried along with her. Next time: Karin ojou-sama gets called out, desu no.
Several people asked last time how Karin ojou-sama handles bathroom breaks. Leveling has enhanced all her physical capabilities far beyond normal, including her bladder as well as her stamina. Even after drinking plenty of caffeine, she can make a round trip through the deep layers just fine! Within reason, of course.
(And thank you for pointing out typos! I've quietly fixed them!)