c21-c40 · 029-ch29

Chapter 29: I Didn't Realize - POV: Anarchy

At first, it was just a way to blow off steam.

Decent school, decent relationships. My life had been comfortable enough, drifting along with the current. Getting fed up with it all out of nowhere—well, that's just part of being a high schooler.

There wasn't any special reason I chose to become an explorer to relieve stress. I just happened to meet the age requirement of being sixteen or older, and I guess I had a bit of admiration for the lifestyle. No tragic backstory or deep-seated grudge like some story protagonist—just a completely mundane, almost laughable reason.

In the end, I just wanted some moderate excitement.

But surprisingly, I had talent as an explorer. I rose through the ranks to B-rank in no time, passed the A-rank exam on my first try, and was earning a decent income by the time I graduated high school. I left home without really committing to university, but my parents never said anything. They probably preferred my more sensible younger brother anyway.

Not long after, I got scouted by Feather Company.

At the time, I wasn't really partying up with anyone—just holed up in the deep layers almost every day. Honestly, that was enough for me, but the administrative hassles of being freelance and the benefits that came with company employment were too tempting to resist. After a month of deliberation, I decided to join.

Once I joined Feather Company, they made me form a party. Every single member was a well-known explorer, and all of them were more skilled than me. So when I got appointed as leader, I figured it had to be some kind of mistake.

The days of challenging the deep layers with a party weren't bad, but the title of "leader" was a bit of a burden. The higher-ups were stingy about giving permission to explore uncharted territory, yet I was expected to manage these strong-willed individuals as their leader. Having my time eaten up by meaningless publicity shoots was a hassle too.

But I figured time would solve everything. Eventually, they'd give permission and we'd be able to explore the unknown—I genuinely believed that from the bottom of my heart.

Things just sort of work out. That's what life is, I thought.

Until I met this man—Shibasaki Ichiro.

"Heavy...!"

I'm desperately trying to deflect the attacks Shibasaki is unleashing with his deck brush. Each strike carries an oppressive pressure like it's about to explode. One hit and I'm dead. That's obvious without even thinking about it.

This is custom mithril alloy, for crying out loud...! How is he clashing with this wooden stick! Why am I the one being pushed back!

The assault feels like raging storm winds, yet it suddenly stops dead.

It stopped...?

"Come on, attack me."

"...So that's what this is about."

He's telling me to hit him. Deliberately showing me this obvious opening.

I take a deep breath, then exhale. ...Guess I'll use it.

I slash at Shibasaki. The first strike is obviously blocked. My target is the next one—the moment my second strike reaches him.

Skill, activate.

"...Hmm."

My second sword strike is deflected by the deck brush, but the first sword strike connects with Shibasaki's arm.

Yes, it hit!

I still have a hidden trump card I haven't shown anyone. That's my skill, "Double Projection."

Its effect is to project my own past actions for just an instant. Right now, I projected the moment my first strike hit. If I used it repeatedly, they'd figure out the trick and counter it, but seeing through the ability on first encounter is impossible.

I'll settle this before they figure out my skill!

Maintaining the momentum from being deflected, I shift my stance and continue swinging my sword. The reason I, someone who can barely use magic, managed to climb this far is entirely thanks to my sword technique. No matter how strong the opponent, I can't afford to lose when it comes to the blade.

Perhaps because of the desperate situation, I've never been more focused in my life. So much so that I can't see anything around me.

Yet somehow, Shibasaki's voice reaches my ears.

"You're the type who moves easier alone, aren't you?"

That question makes my heart leap.

"...What's wrong with that?"

"A party is of one mind and body. You risk your life for each other, betting your lives for each other."

"I know that."

"If you retreat here, your comrades will die. Their lives are riding on your back. Do you have the resolve for that?"

"I do! Of course I do!"

There was no lie or deceit—it was a cry from the bottom of my heart. From the day I formed a party, I had resolved to risk my life for my comrades. That was my duty and obligation as a leader.

That's why—

"I know. But the reverse—you can't entrust your life to anyone, can you?"

—Those words made my throat go cold.

"Main, Silurica, Andante. Anyone would do—have you ever entrusted your back to someone even once? Has anyone ever saved you at the risk of their own life? You haven't. Because you don't trust them."

"That's... not true."

"Then why haven't you told your comrades about that skill?"

A chilling sensation washes over me. My shallow trick of hiding my skill was seen through in an instant, and he even saw that I hadn't told anyone about it.

Even the depths of my heart, the places beyond that, are completely exposed before this man.

And he steps into that territory that even I haven't ventured into, as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

"Trust isn't established just by bearing burdens—it's only established when you let yourself be burdened too."

"..."

"Because you don't trust them, you can't speak strongly. Because there's no trust, you hide behind the word 'respect,' unable to push your best onto your comrades."

"...Shut up."

"Because you don't step in strongly, you don't clash. Because you can't clash, it stays distorted forever."

"Shut up!!"

I deflect the deck brush with all my might. The deflected brush flies away from Shibasaki's hand, soaring upward. I increase my speed, unleashing a rain of slashes upon my opponent.

"Hmph!"

"Gah..."

Shibasaki weaves through that barrage of slashes and strikes my abdomen with a straight punch. Unable to bear it, I fall to my knees on the spot.

"Let's end this pretend party, leader of Stained Hawk, Anarchy. Unfortunately, you die here."

Shibasaki catches the falling deck brush and stares at me intently. He plans to wait until I stand up.

...So this is it.

I've done enough. There's no way I can fulfill the president's order to bring this person back. Some kind of punishment will probably be handed down, but that's fine. Assuming I even make it back alive, that is.

I release the strength in my hand holding the sword. It's finally over.

I have nothing left. Not my false strength, not my petty pride, not even my comrades.

...Maybe I should ask him to let just me go.

Just as Shibasaki said, I didn't trust anyone. Even with the title of leader, I looked down on them from somewhere. That's why I'm trying to abandon them like this now.

Since I didn't trust them, it's understandable that I wasn't trusted. I'm truly the worst leader.

I should have just stayed alone forever without accepting that invitation. If I had, no one would have gotten hurt. They became unhappy because they teamed up with someone like me.

At the bottom of despair and hopelessness, I can't even hear the hollow empty sounds.

Ah, come on, I can't hear anything... I shouldn't be able to hear anything, yet—

"...Anarchy-san, please, stand up!"

—I can hear the voice,

"Leader, if you die, I'll freaking kill you!"

—I can hear the voice,

"Anarchy-chan, don't lose!!"

—Their voices, my comrades' shouting voices.

Why...?

Why would they still say such things to me, to someone so worthless, someone with nothing...!!

...No, I know.

It's not that there was no trust—it was always there. I was just pretending not to see it.

I was the one arbitrarily measuring others and creating distance. Even so, they looked up to me as their leader. There's no way I didn't know that—no such convenient excuse exists.

I grip my right hand tightly. The sword hilt is still warm.

"Standing up, are you?"

I don't even know why I stood up. As if driven by something, I ready my sword. It wasn't proper technique—just a clumsy, amateurish stance.

This isn't like me at all. But I just didn't want to invalidate their trust in me, even if only for this moment.

After seeing me stand, Shibasaki begins to swing his deck brush. Its weight is incomparable to before—a blow that could kill me right now.

"Your legs are shaking. Am I that scary?"

Of course I'm scared, of course I am. That's why I'm crying like some stupid kid.

"You can run away, you know. If you leave right now, I'll let you go."

The deck brush attacks grow even more intense. I don't think I can last even another second. My whole body hurts and it's painful. I want to be released from this suffering quickly.

Running away from here would be easy. If I turned my back, this person would stop attacking as he said. He's not a monster, after all. My comrades wouldn't be killed or anything even if I left them behind and ran.

Yes, it's just a farce. There's no problem with running away. I want to run away right now and feel better. There's no way I can win.

But even so—even so—

"—Running away here, running away is the one thing I'd rather die than do!"

That voice surprised me most of all.

I didn't know. That I could hold such passionate emotions. That I'd make such a choice devoid of reason in this situation.

My chest burns with such intensity it feels like it's boiling over. Burning blood is scorching my veins.

It's unmistakably my own voice shouting that I can't yield. That I won't abandon risking my life to protect my comrades, even though I can't entrust my life to them.

I didn't know. I was such a weak, ugly person.

"Good answer."

Shibasaki-san says that and swings down his deck brush. There's clear killing intent there, with not even a fraction of an opening.

I understood death. In that instant, memories begin to flow through my mind like a revolving lantern. It was mostly an unremarkable, shallow life, but the scenes with them—diving through dungeons together—shone brightly.

I have so many regrets.

But even so, even so, I'm genuinely glad I didn't run away.

"Both sides, hold!"

Suddenly, a cheerful voice like a loosed arrow echoes through the dungeon. Perhaps hearing that voice, the deck brush descending before my eyes stops. At that moment, my strength gives out and I collapse to the ground.

The owner of the voice approaches while clapping exaggeratedly.

"Both of you fought magnificently. I believe the match is settled, don't you?"

"...Who are you?"

Shibasaki-san mutters that softly, but I knew who this person was.

Golden hair shining like gold, golden eyes gleaming like gold. A large woman carrying a massive axe lightly on her back, her entire body covered in sturdy armor. That dignified expression certainly concealed the bearing of a mighty one.

Not the false strength like mine, but someone with true strength.

The most famous and strongest S-rank in modern Japan was standing right there.

"I am Sandai. Great and supreme, therefore I am Sandai!"

――――――――――――

Finally got to bring out Sandai...

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