000-020 · 009-ch8
Chapter 8: Not That I'm Consistent
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(Note from the author: This chapter has been significantly expanded from the Fanbox beta version. There were comments asking about "the protagonist's reason for streaming despite finding human interaction troublesome," so I've included explanations about his mindset toward human relationships to prevent readers from feeling discomfort later in the story. Please read carefully to avoid future misinterpretations.)
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As a major premise, the protagonist does not hate humans. While he's not good at social interaction, he even likes talking to people to some degree. It's just that after considering various things, he chose to avoid all human relationships and live in the dungeon.
Since he's a protagonist who likes talking to people but struggles with deep relationships (not that he hates them, just not good at them), I'd appreciate it if you could point out any parts that could be interpreted as clear hatred.
A week later. Having received word that the items I'd ordered were ready, I visited that purchasing shop again.
"Still, you're going to do dungeon streaming?"
"Hmm? Is that so strange?"
"Well... I saw you on that stream, with Amamiya Kanata, was it?"
While checking the quantities of seasonings and such, the shop owner chatted with me like making small talk. Well, since I'd ordered drones and smartphones for filming in the dungeon, I guess it makes sense.
"But?"
"You said you seemed quite bad at dealing with people... isn't that the case? You don't seem like that when talking."
When he said that, I thought back on what I'd said. Did I say I hated humans...? I said I found certain ways of involvement troublesome. And that if I streamed, I wanted to do it my way? But I wasn't rejecting streaming itself.
Maybe when I strongly stated my dislike of being pressured, I gave the wrong impression.
"Did I say I hated humans?"
"Eh? Didn't you say you live in the dungeon because you don't want to interact with people? I assumed that was the case."
Hmm??? I feel like there's a major misunderstanding happening. I didn't say I hated humans or hated social interaction, did I? I gave objective assessments like "not good at it," but I don't remember talking about my feelings regarding social interaction. If anything, I said I hated being pressured into things.
Well, it's not wrong that I don't want to interact with people, and it's true I'm avoiding human relationships. I haven't talked to or interacted with surface people for 10 years while shut away in the dungeon.
But those aren't born from feelings of hating people.
"I don't particularly hate people. Actually, I rather like talking to people..."
"Is that so?"
"Well, when I first dove into the dungeon, my mental state was messed up so I wasn't good with people... but it's not accurate to say I left because I hated them."
That people were unpleasant to me at the time might have been part of the reason, but not a major part. Rather, it was just something that pushed me forward. Who would seriously think of living in a dungeon where there's real mortal danger just to escape from human relationships?
I chose that because I liked it. Human relationships were an important factor affecting my mental state at the time, but not the biggest reason.
And regarding human relationships, it's not mainly about escaping because I hate them.
"I realized human relationships tire me out, so I kept my distance—would that be more accurate? Not emotional reasons like hatred, but a rational retreat considering my future?"
"Huh...? I don't really understand."
He tilts his head. Well, of course. I think I have pretty strange thought processes too.
At the moment of interacting with people, at the moment of talking with them—I like it. But when that interaction becomes sustained, happens multiple times, or starts to have meaning, eventually a moment comes that's hard for me. Having learned this from experience, I used to think "then I might as well stop interacting with people altogether," throwing away the act of interaction itself. I think I liked talking to people, but I eliminated all of that and, in exchange, also eliminated the mental fatigue that might come later.
"Alcohol tastes good, right?"
"It does."
"But you know it's bad for your body."
"...Yes."
"So I just rationally refrained from doing what I liked and quit drinking. It's not like I ran away because I hated it or anything."
So really, about interacting with people—or rather, in the current situation where I'm already involved—it's not to the point where I'd kick everyone away and shut myself in. I will shut myself in, but if it's just occasionally reporting my situation through letters or phone calls, there's no problem at all.
"Streaming, you know, even if it's interacting with people, it's one-way, right?"
"Well, yes. In the sense that the streamer sends out information one-way. But there are comments and such?"
"Unlike maintaining a relationship with someone you talk to face-to-face, first of all, it's easier because it's just text. And unlike in-person human relationships, you don't have information about the other party, right?"
"You mean information about viewers?"
"That's right. Without that, it's like just chatting with a stranger sitting next to you on the train. If it's someone you know, you worry about what they think of your words and actions, their personality, the future relationship—but if it's a stranger, you can talk without concern."
What tires me out most is that I overthink things. The other party is human, and I worry about what they think of my words and actions, what they think of me in the first place. As a result of overthinking, I became unable to do anything. I found talking to complete strangers more mentally relaxing than talking to people I'd had years-long relationships with. So, deep relationships are impossible for me.
But with screen-side and this side—if it's a shallow relationship, there's none of that hardship.
"If I stream however I like and too many people complain, I can just stop. Conversely, if most people accept and listen, I might talk freely, that kind of feeling."
"I see..."
"Also, right now, since I have the option of living alone in the dungeon, I'm thinking of trying again."
Well, even so, there's still the possibility that I'll overthink and become mentally exhausted someday.
"Why go so far to stream?"
"Hmm?"
"What you just described are negative reasons, right? Well, human relationships are fine. You said you like talking to people, but that's why you'll stream?"
"That's part of it, I guess. It's true that after interacting with people for the first time in a while, I thought it was nice."
However, that's not the main reason. Honestly, if that were the only reason, I wouldn't think of starting interpersonal relationships again knowing they'll eventually turn into bad damage.
I have something I want to convey through streaming. That's a major reason.
"The surface still hasn't conquered the deep layer, District 4, right? It's not just because of that, but I thought I might as well contribute—well, stream information freely."
Originally, I have a fairly strong inclination toward serving the collective.
Of course, the major premise is that it's limited to voluntary cases. When forced to do such things, even the enjoyment and fulfillment I felt would be lost. It's like doing school committee work voluntarily is fine, but being forced feels unpleasant.
But for example, I never thought things like "I absolutely don't want a public position." Rather, my childhood dream was to be a self-defense officer, and when I entered high school and university, I thought I'd choose between self-defense officer or bureaucrat—to that extent, I had awareness of serving the public. More than stable employment, serving the public and society was something I admired in my past self.
Well, that was just a vague admiration since my mental state collapsed and all of that became impossible. Even so, to this day, while I hesitate because of troublesome human connections, the idea of serving the collective remains deeply rooted in me.
Additionally, right now, there's the exploration of the world beyond the dungeon—beyond dungeon exploration. This is something I can't handle alone. From the perspective of exploration, I want more personnel, and I've discovered phenomena that should be shared with others and handled with more people involved. Especially, I think this phenomenon is quite dangerous.
As a result of thinking about such things, my current thinking is that I want to be able to transmit information in my preferred way.
"...I see. So you're trying streaming."
"That's right. Well, it's like missionary work, I guess? Come everyone, this activity is so great, that kind of feeling."
Actually, I think the natural scenery is amazing. The reason I chose to live in the dungeon even after meeting my parents is ultimately because that's strong.
The owner's face twitching considerably upon hearing that left a strangely strong impression. Hey, I'm being serious here, really.
"I see? So it floats using magic power."
"That's right. Inside the dungeon, it absorbs the mana floating around, and on the surface, it seems to function by receiving magic power from the user."
"I see. That's why there's a magic power connection."
"Apparently magic consumption on the surface is quite severe... but you seem fine."
After putting seasonings, ingredients, and books I'd ordered online later into an expanded bag taken out from the storage-type magical tool, I set up the streaming drone while receiving guidance from the owner.
"Hmm, well, this much is fine. So since it needs the owner's magic power, you can't place it in a distant location for fixed-point camera work?"
"Technically it's difficult at this stage. People with clone skills can apparently connect through their clones."
"I see."
The "Clone" skill. It's literally a skill that produces clones, and while it's somewhat rare, it's not like there are no possessors at all.
And fortunately, I have that skill too.
When I direct my consciousness to activate the skill, magic power overflowing from me forms another me beside me.
"You had it?"
"Yeah. Can I change the connection destination to this?"
"Yes, that's right. The settings should be—"
I operated the settings as told and changed the drone's connection from me to my clone.
"Ah, this won't work."
"Yes?"
Immediately, my clone collapsed from magic exhaustion and I caught the falling drone as the magic supply cut off.
"What was that?"
"Just ran out of magic power. My 'Clone' skill is 'Degraded' class, you see. Come to think of it, it only has magic power on par with an ordinary person."
"I see... I assumed you had a high-level clone skill to streamline exploration."
What a way to reveal his own misunderstanding while trying to probe me. Surprisingly, I don't hate that kind of thing.
"That approach exists too. Actually, what's their name? 'Chikage,' was it? I hear there's a famous solo explorer."
"Yes, 'Chikage' is famous as a clone skill user."
"My skill itself probably isn't really anything special. I have one hero-class skill, but the skills themselves are pretty common, I think."
"Even so, it's something ordinary explorers would envy."
"Well, yeah."
Actually, ordinary explorers' skills are at best high-class, and at legendary-class, even excellent explorers may not have them. At hero-class, depending on the skill, you can operate as a top-tier explorer with just that. There are only 3 people in the world currently publicly known to have myth-class skills. None in Japan, by the way.
"Well, but I looked into it—"
"Which thing?"
"Those with hero-class skills now, they can only raise them to about Rank B at best, right?"
"Ah, come to think of it, that's true. Major guilds are struggling to grow beyond that too."
"Then skill classes other than Degraded don't matter much."
When I said that, the owner looked at me with interest.
"What do you mean?"
"What do you think the difference in skill classes is?"
Generally, the higher the skill class, the better it's considered. Even with the same skill, just one class difference creates a large gap in what can be done. Just the difference between beginner and advanced can determine guild entry, or cause others to look down on you.
That seems to be the current common sense regarding skill classes, but I think differently.
"I... thought that with the same proficiency, higher-class skills would be superior, but is that wrong?"
"Well, that's not entirely wrong. There is a performance difference in the G- range. But I think that's probably just like a margin of error."
"A margin of error?"
"That's right. Well, the conversation is drifting so I won't say more."
"No, if you've said that much, please tell me."
"Huh?" I let out a voice clearly showing my annoyance, but this is also a bad habit of mine. Once thoughts are complete in my mind, I lose the desire to convey them to others. Just now was meant as a muttered monologue, but I ended up doing it again.
"Well, fine. What I think is that the greatest advantage of skill classes is the upper limit."
"The upper limit? You can know the upper limit?"
"From my experience... or rather, just speculation based on my current skill rank."
As embarrassing as this is to say, I have the confidence of having had several times, tens of times, or even hundreds of times the adventures and battles of others. That's why I've reached the visible numerical limit—that is, the skill rank expressed with alphabets and ±.
"At hero-class, SS+. From beginner to advanced, and for experience-based skills, A+ is the upper limit."
Telling him I don't know about legendary and myth-class since I don't have them, the owner put his hand to his chin in thought.
"...Is there no difference in growth rate?"
"Hmm? In skill rank?"
"Yes. Generally, higher-class skills are said to increase more easily."
"Huh. I don't know about that. Well, but you rely on and use higher-class skills more, so it's hard to say unconditionally."
"That's also true."
While the owner is thinking about something, I test whether the spare drones I had prepared each work.
"So, that difference in upper limits is the difference in skill classes."
"That's probably it, is what I'm saying. I don't really know the reality, but the idea is that if you can force your way through with advanced at the lower layers, you could force your way through at the deep layers with myth-class. Since the upper limits are different, it ultimately becomes a matter of output."
"Ah, that's what you mean. I think I understand what you're trying to say. In other words, it's presumptuous to talk about skill class superiority when you haven't even broken through the deep layers."
"Did I say that much?"
Isn't that taking it too aggressively?
When I reflexively retorted, the owner chuckled as if amused.
"Well, well. Then by the way, do you know how to raise skill ranks? As I said, even the current front-liners are stuck."
"Huh? At that point, isn't that information you could charge money for?"
"We'll add it to the purchase premium."
"Ah, I see."
Good grief. What a shrewd businessman.
"I simply think it's the user's lack of power."
"The user's lack of power?"
"That's right. No matter how much you beat on a Level 1 slime, a Level 99 won't become Level 100, right?"
"They won't?"
"In terms of skill rank, probably not. Which way to put it—it's like breaking open the Level 100 limit to become Level 101."
"...I see. So they've literally hit a wall."
"Just my wild imagination. But I think it's fairly close to the truth. In short, skills are often treated as special, but they're just extensions of a person's body and spirit."
The more you train, the more your strength increases, and your mentality grows stronger—not quite.
No matter how much a person trains, they can't lift a 10-ton truck.
"You're carefully, carefully exploring. At the front lines, you can earn enough so there's no need to risk your life."
Well, but. Unless you do something like risking your life to fight against mortal danger, your body, your spirit, and your skills probably won't overcome a single wall.
At least, as explorers who've obtained levels and grown beyond the scope of ordinary human growth—they have the capacity to jump over upper limits. Then the rest is how to reach that point.
"...That's difficult. John-san, did you do this?"
"Well, thinking about it now, I probably did some pretty reckless things."
No, seriously. How many times did I nearly die? Or rather, did I die?
"Well, this might be a strange way to put it, but if you want excellent combat power, you might try pushing them to the brink without killing them. And if they can do it with positive motivation, that would be best."
"Motivation... it really is important, isn't it."
He understands what I'm trying to say. He's driving home the point that forcing someone with debt or dark secrets into mortal danger has no meaning.
"Well, yeah. Someone who wasn't motivated to begin with, even if they face mortal danger, won't fight back. They'll run or give up. Then the skills won't respond either."
There is indeed a feeling of something switching. When skills grow, or when levels rise. And among those, the particularly heavy one is when crossing a wall.
"I've received important information again."
"Don't do anything too dangerous—"
"I know. With proper knowledge, recklessness becomes not reckless."
Don't strike so deeply with a smile.
"Well, when I feel like it again."
"Thank you."
Good grief. I need to be careful about how I spread information too.