chapter02 · 027-ep24

Episode 24: Showed Them My Skill, Got Roasted

I got to the Moriyama dungeon at 9 AM Saturday, and all four of them were already there. First time seeing each other in three weeks.

Only three weeks, but everyone looks a little different. Osawa got a haircut, Miyake's got a tan. Yamabuki came straight in his uniform pants. Why? Fujidou alone is astonishingly unchanged.

"Long time!"

"Oi, Saku — you lose weight?"

"I did not."

"Your face looks gaunt."

"It's your imagination. Your imagination."

It is not. In these three weeks I nearly died, went missing for twenty hours, appeared in a half-a-million-view video, stressed through an entrance ceremony, and sang a chuunibyou song at full power at karaoke. Yeah, the face would be gaunt.

"So how is it — high school?"

"Prepare to be amazed. I made friends."

"FAST!"

"Are they human?"

"They're human! And on day two we already went to karaoke."

"Way too fast!"

Osawa laughed.

Talking about pointless stuff like this feels like being back in those days. And not one of the four suspects a thing about me.

"Oh right — Saku."

That's Fujidou. Rare for him to bring something up.

"So what WAS that, in the end? The Emperor thing."

There it is, the question. Honestly, I'm amazed they waited three whole weeks.

"I wanted to ask that too!"

Miyake pounced.

"I literally yelled when I saw the news. C-rank, man. C-RANK. And solo."

"Even my parents were watching that!"

"I bragged about it to my school friends! 'A friend from middle school did that!'"

"Yamabuki, did they believe you?"

"They were suuuper suspicious!"

Osawa and Yamabuki got hyped on their own, without me. Beside them, Fujidou pulled out his phone.

"I did some looking into it, by the way."

"You LOOKED it up?"

"It bugs you, right? Normally."

He turned the screen toward us.

"Goblin Emperor kill records publicly available in Japan: twenty-seven. Youngest slayer, twenty-four. Rank B, and a full six-person party."

"It took SIX?"

"Yep. Six people, and only just."

Fujidou looked at me.

"And you're fifteen, F-rank, and solo. Going purely by the numbers, it makes no sense."

"Right? Makes no sense."

No, really. I think so too.

"I'm not mad. I just want to know what happened."

"We were worried too."

Osawa added that from the side.

"TWENTY HOURS! We seriously thought you were dead."

...Yeah. For that — I really am sorry.

I drew a breath. What I'm about to say, I rehearsed in my head over and over.

"That skill I told you about. Turns out it wasn't so plain after all."

"Not plain?"

"Not even a little."

"Ahh, so THAT's how it is!"

"Well, obviously. You were hiding the name that hard."

"World-first Job and all. Of course the skill wouldn't be normal."

"Obviously. The JOB itself isn't normal."

At Yamabuki's words, Osawa nodded.

No — the surprising part is not there, guys.

"So what does the skill actually do?"

Miyake leaned in.

"What even is a Chuunibyou skill? It bugged me so bad I could only sleep at night."

"That's just normal sleeping!"

"I also took a nap."

"You're sleeping GREAT!"

"It brings out weapons."

"Weapons?"

"I call, they come."

"Wait — isn't that alone already pretty insane?"

Fujidou put his phone away.

"Weapon-summoning skills are rare. In Japan there shouldn't even be ten confirmed."

"Huh, is that so."

"Don't give me 'is that so.' That's a pretty amazing skill you've got."

"Still — does that let you take down an Emperor?"

Osawa tilted his head.

"Even if you can pull out weapons, you're the one swinging them. If your level's not there, it's not happening, right?"

Sharp. Every so often — and only at times like this — the guy gets sharp.

"Inside, I can show you."

"Show us!"

"Want to see!"

"Show us!"

All three answered instantly.

"Then let's get in there. Explanations can happen inside!"

Miyake slapped my back. Still hurts, by the way.

The Moriyama dungeon is F-rank, and inside it's a lot like Kanayama. Faintly glowing rock passages, not much difference in size or brightness.

The only difference: this one's more crowded. With Kanayama closed, the overflow apparently funneled here.

"Renting gear?"

"I'm good."

Two daggers sat at Osawa's hips.

"You bought those?"

"Parents covered it. Enrollment gift."

"Lucky!"

Miyake's got his own shield, Yamabuki his staff, Fujidou his analysis terminal. Everyone's kitted out with their own gear.

The four of them had been moving forward too, in their own way. Me, well — I just shot way too far forward in a different direction.

The first goblin showed up in under five minutes.

From behind a rock, a skinny green body popped out. A knotted wooden club in its hand. Yellow teeth bared, it let out a shrill cry.

"Here we go!"

Miyake stepped up, planting his feet wide behind his shield. The goblin shrieked and lunged, and the club cracked dead center — a heavy thunk rang down the passage.

Miyake didn't give an inch. Last time this guy was wobbling going "these are heavvvy" — now he's grinning teeth-first from behind his shield.

"Osawa — left!"

Fujidou's call. Before it even finished, Osawa was already circling. He drew the pair at his hips — right, left. The daggers flashed twice, and red lines opened across the goblin's arm and flank.

The goblin turned toward Osawa, eyes off the shield.

"Yamabuki — now!"

The staff's tip lit, and a fireball flew. No miss this time. It burst against the goblin's back, and the green body pitched forward.

Into that, Miyake's shield slammed in sideways. Pinned against the wall, the goblin took Osawa's dagger in the neck, and it collapsed into sand.

They're moving way better than before — this is an actual party now.

Watching from behind, the soles of my feet started to itch. I want in. I want in too.

"Saku — one coming in!"

From the right passage came a second one, rusted knife in hand, sprinting straight ahead. In its path: Yamabuki, staff just lowered, and Fujidou, face just lifted from his terminal.

I got in front of the two of them — and then it hit me. If I'm summoning, it's now. ...Which means I have to say THAT, right in front of all four.

I drew a breath.

"—No inscrip—"

It caught in my throat.

Four pairs of eyes, boring into my back.

The day of the appraisal, in front of the convenience store by the station. They'd looked at me without bandages or eyepatch and burst out laughing. "You actually graduated," they said, and I puffed my chest and said "Told you, didn't I?"

And now, in front of those same four, it's about to be "cut, Nameless."

My face went hot all at once.

The goblin raised its knife. Three steps away now.

"SAKU!"

Yamabuki's shouting behind me.

Say it halfway, it won't come out. Fine — whatever. If they're going to laugh anyway, I'll finish the line and THEN get laughed at.

"—No inscription, no meaning — cut, Nameless."

Space split open, black particles swirled, and a bare katana settled into my hand. Behind me, someone went "eh?"

The goblin leapt.

I gave half a step back. The knife swept down through where my chest had been and clattered off the floor.

Off the retreated foot, straight forward.

I cut.

Nothing stayed in my palm. There was barely even weight to the swing. The goblin rolled two steps further on its own momentum and turned to sand right there.

Even with the katana lowered, nobody spoke. A full three seconds. ...Awkward. I'm the one who did the cutting, and I'm the most awkward one here.

"...Oi!"

Osawa — indoor voice.

"What did you just SAY?"

Of course that's the part they ask about. I knew they would — but there's no other way to bring it out, so nothing for it.

"No inscription, no meaning — cut, Nameless."

"You didn't have to repeat it! You did NOT have to say it again!"

"You told me to just now, didn't you?"

"I did not! I asked what you said — that's all!"

Osawa clutched his head.

"Weren't you supposed to have GRADUATED?!"

"I did. The graduation part — happened."

"Then what was THAT?!"

"That's a chant. Separate from the chuunibyou."

"The chant IS the most chuunibyou part!"

Yamabuki doubled over laughing.

"Can't — can't breathe — it hurts!"

"That's too much laughing."

"Because — because it's 'cut, Nameless'!"

"There's no other way to say it. The skill has it fixed."

"WHO fixed it?!"

I did. The me of back then fixed it.

"Wait, hold on. That day — you threw out the bandages, threw out the eyepatch, said you'd graduated, right?"

"I said it."

"Three weeks ago, right?"

"Three weeks ago."

"Wasn't that fast?"

"It was fast. I admit it."

Probably the fastest relapse in human history.

"But, hey."

Miyake pulled a serious face, mid-laugh.

"That was actually cool just now!"

"Stop."

"For real! I got actual goosebumps!"

"I said stop. Seriously."

"It lands different when you say it, Saku. Always has."

When they say THAT, I can't argue, and that's the problem.

"So — that chant."

Fujidou cut in.

"Is it mandatory? No chant, no sword?"

"No sword. Absolutely no sword."

"You tested it?"

"Tested. Doesn't come at a whisper. Doesn't come if I flub it."

"Whoa!"

"You have to say it with full conviction, or it won't come out. That's the restriction."

All four looked at me at the same time.

"Then that time with the Emperor... you...?"

I said it. A way bigger one, too. But that one stays unsaid.

"Well — a lot of things happened."

"What KIND of things!"

"A lot of things is a lot of things."

Osawa's still laughing.

"Ahh — yep, same old Saku. What a relief!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like."

Yamabuki wiped his eyes.

"Graduating was never happening. You take the chuunibyou out of you, there's nothing left."

"That's beyond rude!"

"It's a compliment!"

"How — how is that a compliment? It's not."

But honestly, it feels a little good. Lately it's been all hiding and dodging, writhing in my futon every night. Getting laughed at head-on like this — it's been a while.

Osawa pointed at the katana, then clutched his own head.

"It came out of NOWHERE just now! The space warped, right?!"

"It warped."

"It warped."

"It warped, right?"

The three of them compared notes out loud. Don't gather eyewitness testimony right in front of the guy.

"Where is it even stored? Some alternate dimension?"

"Probably?"

"'Probably'?! It's YOUR skill!"

"This thing didn't come with a manual."

"I mean, sure, but STILL!"

Yamabuki brought his face up close to the katana.

"Whoa, pitch black. Not reflecting any light at all. What's on it — paint?"

"No idea."

"'No idea'?!"

I really don't. All I can say is that the me of back then wrote "reflects no light whatsoever," so that's how it is.

"And that was a one-hit kill, right?"

Miyake came back to his senses.

"The goblin vanished in one hit! It takes the three of us together!"

"That's... well."

"'Well' nothing! That's insane!"

Yeah, it's insane. Fair.

"Let me hold it a sec!"

"Don't. It cuts."

"Just touching!"

"You'll lose a finger."

"Whoa, he's got his serious face on!"

Miyake withdrew his hand.

The four crowded around the katana, chattering away. Honestly, this reaction made me happy. I'd braced for fear or keeping their distance, but they're just straightforwardly having fun with it.

"Does it have a name? A name, this thing."

"Nope."

"NO NAME?!"

"It doesn't. That's the situation."

"Ehh, what a waste. It's this cool and everything!"

"Name it!"

"No."

"Why not?!"

Because naming it means losing. The instant I give it a name, I'm right back in second-year middle school.

"Then can I name it?"

"You may not."

"Black One!"

"Your naming sense is bottom-tier."

"Then — Long Black One!"

"You just made it longer!"

"So mean!"

Osawa burst out laughing. Yamabuki crossed his arms and went dead serious.

"No, see — having no name is the move. It's cool the other way around. A nameless katana."

Wh-why would you think that?

"Huh? Just a feeling. Not having a name — isn't that strong, as lore?"

Stop it. "Strong as lore" — that's exactly the kind of thing the me of back then would've scribbled in a notebook margin.

Outside the circle, Fujidou was looking at his terminal.

"Saku."

"Hm?"

"I ran an analysis on that just now."

I thought my heart stopped.

"Wait — you can do that?"

"I'm a Spell Analyst. Reading skill structures IS the job."

Fujidou turned the screen toward me. Nothing on it. Not even an error — pure white.

"Couldn't read it."

"Sometimes you can't?"

"It happens. Targets way above you, or structures too complex, things like that."

"But when that happens, it shows 'Analysis Failed.' A proper error comes back."

"And this time?"

"Nothing came back."

Fujidou raised his head.

"The read went out and came back 'target does not exist.' While you're swinging it right in front of me."

"...Creepy!"

"I can't tell if you mean my skill is creepy or yours is."

"BOTH!"

Fujidou put the terminal away, back to his usual tone.

"Well. Fine."

"You're fine with it?"

"It's not fine — but if I asked, would you tell me?"

"I wouldn't. Probably."

"There it is."

Fujidou shrugged.

"Then I'll wait. Tell me when you feel like it. I won't ask until then."

Don't say the same things as my big sister. ...No — I mean, I'm grateful.

"Just one thing, Saku."

"What's this, all formal?"

"No reckless stuff. Seriously."

...Ah. This is the no-jokes one.

"That day — when I checked the records. Twelve hours past your entry, and you still hadn't exited."

"Yeah."

"For about three hours I went back and forth. Report it, and you might get in trouble. But if something happened—"

I never knew. Not once had I imagined Fujidou agonizing like that.

"In the end, I called the Guild. That was me."

"Really. That was you."

"So no more twenty hours, please. It's bad for my stomach."

"...Yeah. I'll be careful. Thanks, Fujidou."

Fujidou said only, "Then it's fine."

Got roasted to bits over the chant, and made Fujidou waver for three hours on top of that. For a three-week reunion, that's way too dense a day.