chapter01 · 014-ep13

Episode 13: On the Other Side of the TV, I'm Being Pitied

I tried to type a reply, but before I could, a group call came in. All four of them.

And when I answered, I nearly lost an ear.

"SAKUUU!!"

"You alive?!"

"Oi, pipe down, Miyake — one at a time!"

"Saku, can you hear me? Answer!"

"I can hear you, I can hear ALL of you — you're loud, TOO loud!"

I held the phone away from my ear. Still perfectly audible at that distance — what kind of lung capacity are these people working with?

"You—!"

The loudest was Osawa.

"Twenty hours! My heart seriously stopped when I saw your name on the news!"

"Sorry about that. Really, sorry."

"'Sorry' doesn't cut it! How many times do you think we tried to reach you?!"

"Two hundred sixty-seven."

"Don't count them!"

Someone over there was laughing. Yamabuki.

"But hey, if you're okay, that's what matters. Seriously."

When he drops the jokes and gets sudden-earnest like that, it's a little embarrassing, honestly.

"Thanks. Sorry for the scare."

"More importantly—"

Miyake shoved his way in, practically biting off the words.

"What WAS that! C-rank! An Emperor! What level were you even?!"

Here it comes. Well, fair — they'd obviously ask. Eyes on the ceiling, voice as level as I could manage.

"Twenty-one."

"TWENTY-ONE?!"

"That thing's Recommended 120!"

Fujidou. He's already looked it up?

"How'd you kill it?"

"Got surrounded, no way out, fought like my life depended on it — and it just... fell over."

"Fought like your life depended on it and it fell over?"

"Yeah. Too worked up. I barely remember any of it."

Everyone went quiet. Don't go quiet on me.

That was the line I'd kept in reserve for the Guild's follow-up questions. Deployed against my friends, it faceplanted on the first try.

"No, that's messed up!"

"It IS weird."

"I mean — yeah, it's weird, but—"

I think it's weird too. But I can't say any more. One more word and I'd have to explain everything. The middle-school notebooks, declaring my true name with a straight face, and — since we're listing things — the part where my bangs grow. There's no way I can say any of that.

"Isn't it a Chuunibyou skill?"

Yamabuki. Don't go straight for the heart of it! That's what's scary about this guy — he says these things with zero malice.

"It's a world first, right? If your level's up that high, you'd have grown skills by now."

No dodging that one. "Levels grow skills" is elementary-school material, and a Lv 68 with nothing grown would actually be way stranger.

"Some grew."

"Oh? What're they called?"

"Boring ones."

"Names!"

"Those... I'd rather not say."

"Huh? What, they've got embarrassing names?"

"They do NOT!"

"They totally do!"

"They don't!"

No — in truth, they absolutely do.

"Skills off a Chuunibyou Job — no duh the names are gonna be unhinged!"

"Stop. Don't imagine it."

"Like 'My Sealed Right Arm' or something?"

"I said STOP!"

Osawa was in hysterics; I could not laugh at all. That one's actually pretty close.

"I mean, isn't it that crisis-strength thing?"

Miyake, forever carefree.

"They say people pull off insane power when they're about to die."

"If that's all it took to drop a Recommended 120, nobody would be struggling!"

"But he did drop it, so."

"...Fair."

In the end, no answer surfaced, and the talk drifted on. These guys don't suspect me at all. They're just floored, that's all. And honestly, that's the part that stings most.

"Oh — right, Saku! Turn on the TV!"

Osawa had apparently just remembered something.

"The six o'clock news! Chubu TV! It was just on!"

Nothing but bad premonitions. But I couldn't not go, so I went down to the living room. Dad, Mom, and Seina, all three in front of the TV, turned to look at me in unison and silently pointed at the screen.

Chubu TV — the station that broadcasts across the three Tokai prefectures.

『—at the Kanayama dungeon, a previously unconfirmed region has been discovered.』

On screen was the familiar Kanayama. The black door, fenced in next to the coin parking lot — the one I walked through every single day.

『The discoverer is a fifteen-year-old boy living in the city, and according to the Guild, the defeat of a difficulty-C-equivalent individual within this region has also been confirmed.』

The announcer went on, eyes on the script in his hands.

『The confirmation of a C-equivalent individual in an F-rank dungeon is extremely rare, and the Guild says it will proceed with an investigation, including a re-evaluation of the dungeon's grade.』

No name came up — just "fifteen-year-old boy." Apparently they don't put minors' real names on air.

And just as I started to breathe again, the screen cut to the studio.

『But fifteen and C-rank — he must be quite the prodigy.』

『Indeed. According to the Guild's announcement, his Job is also a world first.』

『A world first, you say.』

『The name is... let's see... 'Chuunibyou,' apparently.』

The studio roared with laughter. The thing being laughed at on television is my Job.

Also, he hesitated just now, didn't he? One "let's see." What kind of Job makes a professional news reader hesitate at his own script?

"B-big bro...!"

"Don't say it!"

"Chuunibyou! On TV! Ahahaha!"

"I SAID don't say it. You're laughing way too hard."

Dad stood without a word and went to the kitchen. I think that was him being considerate. Mom said "Isn't that something" while fighting down a laugh.

"Mom, you're smiling a little."

"I am not. I genuinely think it's amazing."

That "amazing" is one hundred percent aimed at the Chuunibyou part.

And on the other end of the phone, the four of them were in hysterics too.

"You hear that?! Just now!"

"The announcer said Chuunibyou!"

"On public airwaves!"

"You four stop too!"

I checked the net news and found three local articles, comment sections respectably active. It hasn't gone national, so it'll probably die out somewhere around the Tokai region.

But if even one person at my high school saw it, that alone could blow it wide open. Eight days until the entrance ceremony. They say a rumor dies in seventy-five days — which leaves me sixty-seven short.

I hung up, got back to my room — and this time a call came in from an unknown number. I picked up, and a familiar voice.

『Apologies for intruding on your rest. This is Mishima, of the Guild's Nagoya headquarters.』

"Ah — yes. This is Ichinose."

『You had quite the morning. How is your condition?』

"Energetic. Except for the ribs."

『I am glad to hear it.』

They didn't call all this way just to check on me... right? This is the Guild, after all.

『Today, we are calling regarding a matter.』

"Yes — what might it be?"

『It concerns Ichinose-sama's explorer rank.』