chapter01 · 005-ep5

Episode 5: I Absolutely Cannot Let My Friends See This

Beyond the door, a cavern.

Not that it was dark. The rock walls gave off a faint glow, so it was about as bright as a convenience-store parking lot. The ceiling was high, and the passage was flat and easy to walk.

And I was already completely giddy. Because glowing rock, come on. The entire wall, lighting up all on its own. You do not get this anywhere on the surface.

I touched it, and it was ordinary stone — neither warm nor cold. But glowing. No idea how it works. No idea, and yet my excitement is through the roof!

"Way more normal than I expected!"

Normal HOW? The rocks are glowing.

"It's built for beginners. They say Floor 1's safer than a school classroom."

Fujidou kept his terminal open the whole time. Our order: Miyake on point, Osawa behind him, Yamabuki and Fujidou in the middle, me bringing up the rear. Five sets of footsteps echoed like crazy — kind of expedition-ish.

"There's one!"

Miyake stopped dead. We hadn't even been inside five minutes.

From the shadow of the rocks up ahead, a green thing about a kid's height came out. Skinny, big-nosed, wooden club clutched in one hand.

A goblin. The one I'd seen over and over in textbooks and videos. But the real thing was far smellier than I'd imagined. Videos don't come with smell, huh.

"Stay back!"

Miyake stepped forward and set his great shield. Feet planted wide, his whole body a wall.

The goblin shrieked and lunged; the club cracked dry against the shield.

"Whoa there — heavy, this thing!"

"Now!"

Osawa circled in from the side. His shortsword came down a beat later and opened a shallow cut on the goblin's arm. The goblin squealed.

"Yamabuki!"

"I'll hit it!"

The tip of Yamabuki's staff glowed, and a fist-sized fireball flew. It burst on the goblin's shoulder and died against the rock.

"Missed!"

"Half hit — good work!"

"It's going left! Osawa, cut around!"

Only Fujidou's voice was level, calling instructions with his eyes still on his terminal. All four of them were running smoothly in a way first-timers had no business being. Hold on, have I done literally anything yet?

"Saku! Finish it!"

Miyake's voice.

The goblin was already down on its knees. Blood running from its arm, shoulder scorched, barely able to move. I'm pretty sure they were feeding it to me to be nice.

I took the sword in both hands and ran.

Yes! It's in! The tip is definitely in the goblin's torso.

......Wait, no it isn't. The blade stopped against the hide, and a weight I'd never felt before came slamming back up my wrists.

"Ngh...!"

The sword's heavy, my arms are heavy, and the goblin's body is hard. In manga it just slides right in at this part, doesn't it? Liar manga!

Still on its knees, the goblin looked up at me. Our eyes met. Half dead, and it had an "oh, this one's weak" look on its face. ...I think.

Then the club came flying. I thought I dodged, but my body moved nowhere near the speed I'd pictured. It caught me flush in the side and blew me away, just like that.

I hit the ground on my back and every scrap of air left my lungs.

"Saku!"

Right after Miyake's shout came the sound of feet kicking off and a shield tearing wind.

At the edge of my vision, the goblin went flying. Miyake, charging in flat from the side, had smashed it into the wall with his shield. Osawa caught up and drove his shortsword into its neck, and that was that — over anticlimactically.

The goblin's body crumbled away like sand, leaving behind one small fang and a scrap of brown fur.

Drops.

"Saku, you okay?!"

"I died. I just died once, back there."

"You're alive, though."

Yamabuki hauled me up by the hand, and Fujidou turned his terminal on me.

"No bone damage. Bruising only. The armor did its job."

"Still — really, sorry."

"For what?"

"You handed me the finisher, and I got launched."

My face went hot the moment I said it. Getting sent flying off a finisher they gifted me — beyond uncool. But not one of the four laughed.

"First dives are always like this!"

"I forgot to raise my shield my first time too."

"Get it together, man."

Osawa picked up the drops and set them on my palm.

"Here — first drops!"

"I didn't kill it, though."

"Details!"

These guys are genuinely good people. Which is exactly why all this kindness just makes me feel worse.

No — no time to mope. I looked at the fang in my hand.

Today, I did nothing. I'll own that. But I have that thing I verified last night in my futon. For ten minutes at a stretch, I can turn into a monster.

If I use it well, couldn't I catch up to these guys — even pass them? ......Crap, I'm starting to grin.

In the end, we did a full lap of Floor 1, downed two more goblins, and headed back. I contributed basically nothing to either.

It was still bright out when we emerged. Walking to the station as a five after returning the gear, I figured if I was ever going to say it, it was now.

"Hey."

As light as I could pitch it.

"I'm gonna practice solo for a while."

All four turned around at once.

"Huh?"

"I mean, you saw today, right? I'm the only one who totally couldn't keep up."

"That's just because it was your first..."

"First time or not, you guys were all working."

Osawa started to say something and stopped. Dude, stopping there actually hurts more. Well — after watching me today, there wasn't much to say.

"So let me catch up to 'average' first, then I'll rejoin you."

"You shouldn't go alone."

Fujidou.

"Solo dives aren't recommended. The accident rate is different."

"I know. Floor 1 only. Busy hours, and I come back after one goblin. That work?"

Fujidou stared at me. Wait, what — does he know? No. No way he knows.

"...Understood."

Huh, that's it? Easier than I expected.

"You wouldn't listen if I stopped you anyway. One thing."

"What?"

"Stream it."

For a second, I had no idea what he'd said.

"Huh?"

"If you're diving alone, run a stream. Beginners do it as a matter of course these days. If anything happens, someone notices, and reports go out fast."

"Oh — that's a good idea!"

Osawa piled on.

"And we could watch you practice and everything!"

"Do NOT watch!"

"Why not?"

All of the reasons.

Dungeon streaming, huh. About half of all explorers stream something or other — even the fishmonger uncle at the shopping street by my house dives and streams on weekends.

What Fujidou was saying was common sense, and I understood the safety part. I get it. But for me it's hell. The introduction would be on camera, every last bit of it.

"I, I don't have the gear."

Even I could hear what a flimsy excuse that was.

"Your phone works."

"Bad image quality's hard to watch, right? I'll start once I've got proper equipment. Yeah — I'll think about it going forward."

"'Going forward' when?!"

"Going forward is going forward."

Fujidou didn't bring the streaming up again. Merciful.

"If it's too much, come back. You're alone out there — nobody's watching even if you pose."

It's BECAUSE nobody's watching that I'm free to pose at full power! ......Like I could say that, so I just nodded.

Miyake slapped my back with a crack and I choked a little.

"Well, get strong before the entrance ceremony. We'll be waiting!"

"Yeah, leave it to me."

"It's a promise. After the ceremony, the five of us dive together!"

"S-sure."

Something about it felt guilty, and I dropped my gaze a little.

I split from the four at the station, and only when I sat down on a platform bench did I finally breathe out. My back was sticky with cold, nasty sweat.

Look, I didn't lie. Being weak is true, needing practice is true. I just didn't mention the introduction... Yeah. That's safe, right?

Honestly, I know telling them everything would be easier. Those guys would roll around laughing, and then just tell me "that's amazing." But the second I tell them, it becomes "show us." Miyake would say it right on a train platform, no hesitation.

Showing them means reciting those five lines in front of them. Delivering them deadpan, in front of the four who spent all three years of middle school sitting next to me? Impossible. I'd absolutely flub it. Then it's one cringey guy standing there alone, having stumbled through a weird incantation. I'd be roasted for life. So at minimum, not until I can say it flub-free!

The train came, so I stood, and kept thinking as I boarded. Starting tomorrow: solo, full power.

......Hold on. That's a completely chuunibyou line, isn't it.